Nepal twelve

as you watch your trash getting picked up by a truck once a week and carried away to an undisclosed location that you never see; and when you flush your waste matter down that clean porcelin chair and watch the water transform back to its crisp clear form, say thank you. these are not opportunities that the nepali people get to experience on a regular basis. in fact, without much effort i was able to locate where all of their unwanted materials go. it is right under the bridge as you are leaving the city of thamel and entering kathmandu city. they have apparently hired hundreds of wild pigs to hang out there and eat and lounge in the fecal matter of the city. so in addition to the list of wild animals that roam the streets of this city you can now add the most digusting pigs that i have ever seen. i love bacon as much as the next guy but my life of pork feasting will never return to its old form after what i have seen today. these streets are crazy, besides the wild animals the dead animals are almost as wild of a sight. not many places where you can almost trip on a large set of intestines as you are walking down the street. snake charmers, palm readers, witches, gymnast midgets, rasta hindus, this is a place where it is very hard to stand out. speaking of standing out, i am headed to india tomorrow. i have a feeling that india will provide some of my best material yet. stay tuned.

Nepal eleven

since returning from the trek, their have been many inquiries concerning the details and the conditions of my travel through the annapurna range. though i would love to say that these inquiries were heavily based on my health and well being, the actuality of the matter is that the majority of the commentary has been based around my mountain attire. while most trekkers were geared in the latest mountain gear and fashioned to the hill in an assortment of brand new north face and patagonia themed outfits (consisting entirely of obnoxious primary colors), i chose a different approach. i was not sure that these mountains would give me much challenge so to better test the savagery of my character i decided on a pair of worn out new balance 574 urban sneakers, tennis socks, 1996 olive green j crew chinos (no pleats), a rented womans down jacket, and a thick layer of 50/50 blend t-shirts. you can wikipedia annapurna all day and you will not be able to find a human in the history of the world that conquered this trechorous range wearing what i wore. for those of you who did express concern for my health, thank you. this blog entry should now put a dagger in the throat of all of those individuals that chose to poke fun at my innovative/genius/never been done before mountain gear.

the country of nepal has just ousted the king and the democratic party (maoist supprted) is in the midst of taking over. though i am sure that the american media has described this government turnover with references to bombs and murder, the actuality is that the streets are filled with smiles and laughter. i am currently back in the capitol of kathmandu and things are normal as can be. so next time you decide to go to a place and are swayed negatively by the reports issued by the US dept of state website, do not be deterred by the government warning. the warnings are exagerated and infused largely by that dysfunctional oil crazed family of inbreds from texas that have a difficult enough time deciphering their asses from their elbows.

Nepal ten

Nepal nine

so sorry to return to subject of bodily movements but it really is quite fascinating. when a group of intelligent, well traveled individuals gather in the setting of a mountain lodge in the middle of the himalaya, no matter how good the book it is that they are reading or the places they have recently visited the subject is constantly poo poo and puke. so goes the cycle of life. as the trail progressed, the amount of westerners increased drastically at base camp. many people were trying to fight off sicknesses while others were forced to turn around before the turn. quite a scene. so fast forward about five days... i just got back from a rafting trip that lasted three days, which was amazing. i am definitely a "bottom of the mountain" type of guy. the rapids were pretty intense and made for some exhilirating moments all headed up by a guide crew of fifteen yr olds. we camped out on the beaches along the river which was so much warmer and more comfortable than the cold of the mountains. the best part was waking up in the mornings and swimming without the raft in the rapids. you don't realize how fast you are getting sucked down until you look at the shoreline flying by. we jumped off a bunch of cliffs and due to an overturned truck carrying vegetables by the river side, we were able to gather most of our dinner right out of the river. the two days before the trip i spent in the town of pukhara eating tons of food and sleeping almost constantly. the weight is slowly coming back on. these pictures are still from the trek, camera and rafting do not go together well.

Nepal eight

Nepal seven

the towns that you pass through are how i would picture towns from the old west. i felt like i had taken a spaceship back into time. not to mention that it is approaching rainy season so for days at a time we didn't see many if any other westerners. i witnessed some of the most hilarious stuff that i have ever encountered while in some of these sleepy mountain villages. here are some of my favorites: (1) we see these two little girls, maybe four years old and two tiny kittens up ahead as we are walking up the trail. cute, right? maybe they are cuddling the kittens or feeding them a morsel of rice. or maybe they are chasing the kittens and grabbing them by the tails then launching them as far as they can off a little cliff. (2) i witnessed a full on urine fight between two young boys on the main road in a town called lower pisang, manang. they started off congenially releasing their fluids next to each other like friends should. one swung towards the other and the battle began. only my left new balance 574 was hit. (3) kids playing dodgeball with apples wrapped in cloth. one of the shots left the field of play and hit one of the village elders. very elders. i didnt know what to do. i had to go into my room because i could not contain laughter. (4) all the village men gathering at night to watch the towns only TV to watch monday night raw. the whole village thinks atlantic city, nj is a sacred place where flourescent clad barbarians roam the streets awaiting their chance to enter the ring. i didn't have the heart to tell them the truth. the undertaker regained the crown.

Nepal six

Nepal five

Nepal four

i miss "tong garden" peanuts so much that it hurts. they are the most amazing peanuts in the world and are easily accessible through out eastern asia. central asia does not offer this brand instead they are distributing a crop of peanuts that taste like curry bile. the food in the mountain villages is acceptable for the first five or six days and then it becomes absolutely repulsive. potatoes, rice, and noodles all made with exact same ingredients and cooked in the exact same way. if you have a weak stomach or do not enjoy references to bodily movements please skip the next three or four sentences. i remained very positive about the cuisine until the lord of food poisoning invaded my stomach and started firing rockets and missiles of vomit and poop from the inside of my body all over the bathroom floor, walls, and ceiling. the "bathrooms" in this region do not have toilets, they are merely key holes in the floor that require the balance of a gymnast to squat over and the accuracy of a well trained sniper. when you are exporting rapidly from both ends, balance and accuracy can be very difficult. nearly impossible. soup and lemon tea for the next few days which provide about one hour of energy which mathematically could not compete with the daily six to eight hours of walking up hill. i have been having vivid dreams of ledo's pizza. this is going to be a blog post that is generally negative, next i will talk about the altitude sickness and the symptoms in which i experienced. being so weak due to the nepali vegetable enchilada epidemic, as we started to get higher and higher my body started to feel the toll. we reached 4400 meters (about 12,000 feet) and my head started pounding. it felt like my brain was trying to escape from my eyes, ears, and mouth. nausea, dry vomiting, hallucination, loss of appetite... check. we had to descent a few hundred meters. walking backwards was very depressing, every step felt like ten thousand people laughing right in my face while i was naked and it was very cold and rainy. i felt much better the next day so we went back up to face the beast. thorong pass is almost 5500 meters which is about two thousand feet higher than the top of the highest point in the intercontinental states (mt. renier...sp?). that is higher than doc gooden and darryl strawberry after the 1986 world series victory over the red sox (sorry bill buckner). we woke up 3am, so we could start the ascent. exercise in the morning has never really been my thing. after about five hours of slow walking in freezing cold and breathing in thin air, we made it. what an amazing feeling. i really felt like i had reached my everest, all spontaneous defecation and vomit forgotten.

Nepal three